Essay: Convoluted Systems of Companionship

Sample Essay

Deborah Tannen’s “Asymmetries: Men and Women conversing at Cross-Purposes” Chapter 2 of “You Don’t Understand” (1991) by the same author, impersonates what is routinely called the Difference form in the study of gender and sex in language. She supports that females get together in “a world of connections” in which “intimacy is key” and where “individuals discuss convoluted systems of companionship [trying to] minimize dissimilarities, to come to agreement, and to bypass the look of superiority” while males function in “a world of status” where “independence is key because a prime means of setting up rank is telling other ones what to do and taking instructions is a marker of reduced status” (Tannen, 1991, p.214).

By their very setting, meta-messages (the note concealed under what we gladly communicate), are tricky to converse about. Mostly, we don’t understand they exist! So when Martha begs to understand why Jack won’t easily inquire for main headings, Jack answers solely in periods to Martha’s ‘face-value’ information. “There’s no issue in asking,” Jack may say. “After all, the individual we halt on the road may not understand and will likely give us the incorrect directions.” By this time, Martha may be doubly irate. Not only are they trashing precious time, Jack’s answer makes wholeheartedly no sense. How expected is it that a localized is going to give them incorrect directions- Even if that that did occur, how would their position be any different. In Martha’s world, when an individual doesn’t understand a certain thing, she would easily state, “I don’t know.” But in Jack’s brain, that would be humiliating and all the more cause why an outsider would make certain things up. This would lead them farther astray…

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